The Package

I was informed a few weeks ago that a package was on the way to the residence where I live a lot …  all of the time by Epicurienne.

Usually I get a slip from the post office telling me that they came by at the usual time when they knew that I wasn’t going to be here and I should bring 3 types of ID, preferably mine,  to the post office and sign my name several times just to make sure that I am who I am: there must be a few planetrosses in town living at the same address as myself that I am not aware of.

But … this time they actually slid the parcel through my mail slot!

The outer package was your basic airmail type pouch, so I was weary about it and opened it thoroughly using guns, knives, broken glass, and other kitchen utensils. I’d show a picture of it, but it has my address on it and I don’t want everyone sending me amazing gifts all the time.

The inner package contained the word “Monkey” so I knew this was for me.

On the back were a lot of words that were pretty big; so I used bigger guns, bigger knives, bigger broken glasses, and other kitchen utensils and a few bathroom utensils to break in to this one.

There was an envelope just dripping with kryptonite inside, but  … I ain’t superman baby!
“To: the Planet with an Attitude” was written on the outside. Hey! I’m not making this stuff up!
… and if I was, my big brother can beat up your big brother; so what ya gonna do about it … until you grow up and become a cop and arrest me on trumped up charges that my brother can’t get me off of because he became a responsible citizen instead of a lawyer.

Anyway, the card inside must have cost a lot to have made with my name written on it professionally.

I’d show you the inside of the card, but you would just get all jealous because of all the nice stuff she says about me … like:

“I wish you had a split personality so you would even be more personable than you already are.”

and

“If someone threw all the comedians in the world into a big blender and mixed them up, you would still be way funnier than that!”

and

“I wish animals could read, so they could enjoy your blog too.”

and

“I bet you even eat, sleep, and look funny.”

So now that I was in my Ego Booster Chair, I unwrapped the gift …

 

A very cool book right up my dead end alley of reading!

“March Hares and Monkeys’ Uncles” by Harry Oliver! (that’s the name on the book: I’m not making this stuff up!)

Thank you very much Epicurienne!

 

note: this was a “hare-y” present, but … check out nathaliewithanh‘s blog for the ultimate “Very Hairy Christmas Card“.

double note: Hey Dan Reynolds! ( great cartoonist) I finally figured out who drew the cartoon you commented on. His name is Eric Decetis. You two should talk about what came first:  the lost rabbit or the lost dog.

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/