Really Bad Things

very difficult to cook with

These things would be really bad:

A pots and panoramic view

A red tidal wave

A 6 pack of lies

Cattle Ranch Dressing

A flashbackwards somersault

Banana Split ends

A tapeworm hole

semi colon cancer

tennis elbow macaroni

A poison ivy league school

A clogged pipe dream

timetable place mats

square root dancing

A Bleak House party

A Harry Potter’s field

A Graveyard sale

An Islamabad apple

A mad cow lick

Beavis and Butthead aches

Butterfly wheels

James Bondage (some people might like this)

A Mr. Bean bag

A teleScope’s trial

A black eye test

Shampooh and Piglet too!

A Monkey chain

A Deodorant

A tiled roof rack of lamb

A full body search party

Getting Stitches and a few Lilos

A hotdog walker

A cold soring eagle

A headlock of hair

A Morgue and Freeman

A hamster wheel of cheese

Hello Kitty litter

A nail filing cabinet

A barber shoplifter

A snow stormtrooper

A severed leg warmer

Traffic lightning

Corn on the cobwebs

A sour milk carton



note: Why don’t people look in the “Missing Person’s Bureau” for all those people?

double note: If I’ve offended anyone, I haven’t meant to.

My mind is up to its old colostomy bag of tricks again!

10 responses to “Really Bad Things

  1. PR- if I had a measuring tape worm, I could gauge the length of this list ( as well as your tags ) and come to the conclusion that your mind has a mind of its’ own and is totally and delightfully eccentric.
    And should have its’ very own literary agent.

    Can you even write them down as fast as you think of them!!!!

  2. After reading all this, my brain has imploded.

  3. I’m with S. Le. And the tags! My god, the tags! Well done! I could go for a party at Charles Dickens’ place.

  4. Thanks for all the very nice comments!

    Bonnie Luria: these ones did come pretty quickly once I got rolling; the tags were just what came into my head as I looked over the “really bad things” list.
    I don’t know what makes me word associate like this; it must be all the stuff that gets bottled up when I speak slowly, clearly, and simply to students at work all day.

    S. Le: The Spanish Implosition!! Nobody expects the Spanish Implosition!! (sorry I didn’t know how else to respond to your imploding brain)

    Tammy: I don’t know who originally said this, but I always think it’s funny: “I’m a poet and I don’t even know it; I have Longfellows that smell like the Dickens!” I think it has something to do with poetry or smelly feet or something.

    Thanks again for all the kind words.

  5. Seriously, now that you mention it…..I was thinking those tags sounded like stuff that had something to do with a bottle!

    w1kkp: I think you are inferring or outferring something here! Or inskinning or outskinning something? or inhairing or outhairing something?
    I can say with all honesty that all of this was fermented in daytime hours and long before beverages were dispersed, distilled, or dispatched.

    note: this is what runs through my mind on a daily basis … when I notice my brain running.

  6. PR, I’m not in or out ferring or skinning, I’m suggesting outright. And, if in all honestly, nothing was liberating you from the humdrum via a bottle, perhaps it was helium?


  7. w1kkp: My secret ingredient is … coffee … excessive amounts of coffee.

    note: I’m starting to get a complex here. First S. Le suggesting I might be ADHD and now the alcohol mention.
    I take it as a compliment that you think something else is at work here.

  8. planetross, you seem as if you might know…

    Which way does it go?
    • Scandinavia, Scandiarmia, Scandiairforcia, Scandicoastguardia
    • Scandinavia, Scandiskyia, Scandipowderia, Scandiperiwinklia

    Thanks in advance for your help!

    pannonica: I would choose the first set myself.
    It’s all quite Scandilous from a quick Scan. … you may need a Scand Opinion on this though.
    I know Quickscandia is bad if you are standing in it.

  9. pannonica: an epiphany came to me while I lay with insomnia early this morning!

    I want to change my answer to Scandimarinia! that would fit in to both groups nicely!

    note: myself and insomnia never sleep together.

  10. Hee hee. Sometimes I am so brilliantly manipulative I even surprise myself.

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