Part One of “Sammy’s Stucky Situation” here.
“Do you know why bulk candy is cheaper than other candy?” asked the supermarket manager.
“Because it doesn’t come in a shiny box, have a cool name or a massive ad campaign hyping it“, answered Sammy.
“No, those aren’t the reasons“, the manager said seriously.
After a deep breath the manager explained the truth.
“Bulk bin candy isn’t tested as well for Bindlings as other candy.
Bindlings are little tiny animals that attach themselves to sugar beans and cocoa cane. They are like parasites, but are never found in pairs. I guess they are singlecites or half-parasites or something. Not much is really known about them.
Big candy companies spend a lot of money screening their products for Bindlings: bulk companies don’t.
Undetected, Bindlings grow from teeny tiny no-see-um size to ping pong ball size and live at the bottom of bulk candy bins. Most people, when they see them, just think they are clumps of melted candy or chocolate and just leave them behind.
They are relatively harmless to adults, but very dangerous to children. Bindlings are phalangeaters and digit nibblers; they like fingers … children’s fingers!
They especially like nailbiters’ fingers, pinky promisers’ fingers, nosepickers’ fingers, yoyo yoers’ fingers, fingersnappers’ fingers, playstationers’ fingers, coinslot checkers’ fingers, icing lickers’ fingers, gumball grabbers’ fingers, and cookies in milk dunkers’ fingers.
They don’t like thumb suckers’ fingers for some reason, but they really like the thumbs!
Usually they only get a bit of a finger, but once in a while a child who’s sticking a hand into the bulk bins gets a whole bum scratching finger bitten off. And bum scratching fingers take a mighty long time to grow back, I assure you.” he finished.
“Would you like to hear another story about where the cereal box toys really come from?” continued the manager.
At that moment, the next town’s firemen tapped on the store’s window and the sound made both Sammy and the supermarket manager jump.
The firemen eventually freed Sammy from the cart with a lot of shaking and a bit of hair pulling, and without the use of their extensive Life equipment, much to their disappointment.
Sammy never stuck his hands in the bulk bin candy bins ever again and was a bit leery about cereal box prizes for a while. However, he still took the odd grape or two when no one was looking.
I am never eating bulk candy again.
Harmless to Adults? who by the way eat rancid coconut candy from the bulk candy boxes. (i’m not saying who *cough*sweetiegirlz*cough) Adults are the main offenders, I’m sure. haha
I think Sammy should have given the grocer a bum scratching finger.
Note to self * never eat bulk candy again*
Thanks for the comments.
leakelley: always a pleasure when you drop by. Watch out for the Bindlings!
sweetiegirlz: adults have bigger fingers that are too much for Bindlings. I agree, adults are “bin samplers” as well.
S. Le: if I had to lose a finger to Bindlings, I’d choose my “pinky promiser” over my “bum scratcher” anyday.