Monthly Archives: October 2008

Perfect

 

 

If you were perfect, I think life would be a bit disappointing.

note: some days I feel so good that I think I won’t be reincarnated as anything less than Buddha.

double note: most days I don’t feel so enlightened.

 

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Sara n’ Mic (why are the gnomes outside?)

Sara: Hold me; I’m feeling fragile.

Mic: Come here my little China doll.

——————————

Sara: Why are the gnomes outside?

Mic: They aren’t house-broken yet.

.

The complete adventures of Sara n’ Mic: why are we here?, what time is it?, the phone’s ringing and who’s winning  are still collecting dust.

 

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Heat

If clothes companies can make really warm clothes, why do people need to heat their houses so much?

 

note: save electricity – eat cookie dough.
         save electricity – drink ice cream.
         save electricity – shower with a friend.
         save electricity – for a rainy day.
         save electricity – there be dark days afore us.
         save electricity – plant a lightbulb. Go Green. Save the Earth. And all that stuff.

double note: photo taken in Antarctica in 2006.

 

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Chain Stores

 

If you work at a chain store, it might be better to say that you sell necklaces.

 

note: Are there chainstore chain stores?

double note: Are post offices chain letter stores or chain mail shops?

triple note: I bet people in warm countries think tire chains will prevent theft.

quadruple note: chainlink fences aren’t very chain-like really. They are more wirey I think.

 

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Pitch Pipes

 

 

How do you tune a pitch pipe?

I think mine is broken.

I’m calling a plumber.

note: a pitchfork doesn’t work well for pitch; a pitchspoon works better.

double note: an aluminum bat is a pitch pipe too! (I’ll use aluminium when England wins the World Series which *all countries can compete for.)

triple note:  *all countries = teams from cities in all countries in North America except Mexico.

 

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Not Necessary

 

Is it really necessary to know how far away from Tokyo I am?

This is not 148 km to Tokyo: it’s 148 km from Tokyo!

These signs appear every 5 km or so letting motorists know this vital information.
In some places there is one every kilometer: these must be nervous distances for many people.

If I wanted to go to Tokyo, I’d be on the other side of the road going the opposite direction.

Can’t people just turn their heads and check out the distance signs on the other side of the road if they are that curious?

 

note: The BBC channel fills 30 second slots with “This Week” telling people what happened this week 10, 20, or 50 years ago. It’s always depressing news: air crashes, natural disasters, asassinations, oil spills, …   
Isn’t today’s news bad enough without being reminded of bad news from 20 years ago?

double note: “Pipeline explosion kills 700 in Nigeria in 1998” in case you were wondering. Thanks BBC.

triple note: I wonder if there is a sign saying “1 km from Tokyo“. That would be funny.

 

 

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Reading Disorder

 

 

 

 

I think I’m “dysexic”: I can’t read women.

note: I don’t think I can spell them either.

double note: are there special parking spaces for sufferers of “dysexia“?

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Halloween Part II

 

 

I’m glad Halloween happens during pumpkin season because …

it’s really hard to make a cherry scary.

And they are difficult to carve too!

The Blue Monkey #8

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  “yoyo-kites” will become a popular hobby sport.

However, many people will suffer fatal injuries performing “Rock the Baby“.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7

 

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Waiting For God Knows

 

 

I was waiting with all the old people for a store to open this morning.

Don’t old people have anything else to do other than stand around and wait for stuff?

They always seem to be waiting for the newspaper, the mail, the bus, …

Old people must be really patient or don’t sleep or something.

They should have been pounding on the store window yelling, “Hurry up! I’m dying out here. I don’t have much time. I can’t wait any longer. You’re going to lose a sale, if you’re not quick!“.

Me?

I’m not old.

I had an important reason for being at the store before it opened:

I woke up early and had nothing better to do.

 

 

note: I’m going to buy everything with a credit card when I start getting shaky.

note to old people: You’ve waited all your life to be old, savour the moment: just not at the check-out counting change.

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