I Am



I am …

as quick as a mouse … a very slow mouse.

as fat as a pig … an anorexic pig.

as brave as a lion … a scared lion.

as smart as a fox … a not so bright fox.

as gentle as a kitten … an aggressive mean kitten.

as happy as a clam … a sad clam.


as crazy as a shithouse rat… a shithouse rat on medication for craziness.

note:I have the memory of an elephant … mmm … peanuts are good.

double note: people shouldn’t be stereotyping these animals; it’s probably bad for their self esteem.

triple note: De Niro didn’t even wear a bull costume in that movie! What a rip off!!

quadruple note: does anyone else use “happy as a clam” or is it a regional thing?

quintuple note: “stereotyping” is a bit dated now; shouldn’t it be “mp3-keyboarding“?


2 responses to “I Am

  1. Funny! We definitely use ‘happy as a clam’ in the south too.

  2. laughing like a hyena…because I can’t stop picturing a shithouse rat taking Prozac.

    (And yes, “happy as a clam” works just fine here in the Northeast US also.

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