I am …
as quick as a mouse … a very slow mouse.
as fat as a pig … an anorexic pig.
as brave as a lion … a scared lion.
as smart as a fox … a not so bright fox.
as gentle as a kitten … an aggressive mean kitten.
as happy as a clam … a sad clam.
as crazy as a shithouse rat… a shithouse rat on medication for craziness.
note:I have the memory of an elephant … mmm … peanuts are good.
double note: people shouldn’t be stereotyping these animals; it’s probably bad for their self esteem.
triple note: De Niro didn’t even wear a bull costume in that movie! What a rip off!!
quadruple note: does anyone else use “happy as a clam” or is it a regional thing?
quintuple note: “stereotyping” is a bit dated now; shouldn’t it be “mp3-keyboarding“?