My Brother’s Birthday!

It’s one of my brothers’ birthdays today.

He’s about 12 years older than me and is very cool.

Top Ten reasons why I love my brother (in no specific order):

1. He took me to see the Harlem Globetrotters when I was a kid.

2. He used to play nerf ball soccer with me when he came over for Sunday dinners.

3. After our father died, he filled in at a Father/Son soccer game when I was a kid.

4. He gave me my best Christmas present when I was 12 years old: the book “Dune” with a $50 bill tucked inside of it.

5. He gave up drinking and other things a long time ago. I admire that.

6. He likes to have 2 desserts after dinner. I admire that too.

7. He can tell you what he learned in grade 2 and in what order he learned it.

8. He is very interested in everything; and knows just enough about enough stuff to be dangerous.

9. He has me as a brother.

10. He stores all my crap at his house.


Happy 55th Big Brother.

note: When I moved to Japan he sent me the Crapasaurus because he couldn’t find a Godzilla doll taking a shit.

7 responses to “My Brother’s Birthday!

  1. Your brother sounds clever and awesome. My older brother is a Buddhist, a brilliant writer and photographer, an amateur astronamist, and a computer tech. *sigh* He is VERY clever. Big brothers can be so cool, but some of them know it.

  2. P.S. The Craposaurus is brilliant!

  3. Top Ten Reasons Why I Would Exchange My Sister For Your Brother in a Heartbeat (in no specific order):

    1. She has 27 cats: up 9 from Christmastime. She claims they do not all belong to her. Her dog has currently 2 cats, the housekeeper has one, etc.

    2. She faked cancer… Several times! A few months ago, she told me she was having surgery for stomach and esophagus cancers when in truth she was having a gastric bypass that saved her from actually having to stick to a diet.

    3. Her breast cancer surgery coincided with an enviable additional 2 cups to her bra size. This is the kind of mastectomy every woman dreams about!

    4. She ate her way through two weeks spent in the States then explained the weight gain by a false pregnancy (at 51.) Riiiight….

    5. She is a kitten killer! She leaves some of her cats unspayed, lets them roam, then offs the babies.

    6. She is 11 years older than I am, and used to terrorize my brother and me when she babysat us. She would be all smiles for my parents, then the door would close, the smile would disappear, and she would tell us sternly: “I’m warning you two. You are going to sit at the table until you eat everything in your plate. Then she would give us double veggie portions.” We would always sit at the table for a VERY long time.

    7. When I was about 8 years old, I went to her house for a sleep-over. I do not remember what I did wrong, but she took my favorite kitten in the toilet and pretended to drown him.

    8. She has been 2 hours late at every Christmas Eve dinner for the past 15 years. Like idiots, we all wait for her year after year. Last year’s excuse was that she could not get out of her bathtub. That one might have worked if her son had not blurted out that she did not get into her bath before 9 pm. Dinner is at 8 pm.

    9. My best friend in Belgium is an orphan of sorts and for as long as I can remember has always spent Christmas Eve with us. Suddenly, my sister decided she did not like my friend and that she would not come if my friend was invited. Guess who did not get invited?

    10. She borrowed the album of the first photographs I took when I was 8, and friggin’ lost it.

    I’m bitter. I’m going to sell her on ebay.

    To Ross: Very touching homage to your brother. If the 5 other siblings are as cool, you should consider yourself a pretty lucky man. The Craposaurus is… somewhat disconcerting? And constipated?

  4. Hope your brother reads this. He’ll be touched. By the way, my brother can beat up your brother in a fight!

  5. Thanks for commenting 🙂

    S. Le: it’s always funny when people look at my crapasaurus, usually they don’t figure out what he’s doing right away. But when they do … the reactions are great 🙂

    nathaliewithanh: all my brothers and sisters are cool in their own way.
    Your sister sounds awful 😦

    buskerman: in your dreams 🙂

  6. I love your crappo-sore-arse.

    I also envy you for your brother. I only have a sister and when we were kids, we hated each other. It’s only recently that I’ve come close to liking her.

  7. I love brother homages. I adored mine! That crapasaurus alone would have deserved the homage, but letting you store all your crap at his house? That’s love. I think you deserve it, though, from what I can tell.

    Natgirl! I never had a sister! Would love to have you and best thing about me ? I’m afraid of cats.

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