The Haggis


How To Catch A Haggis

The haggis is a sheep-like animal found in Scotland. Its legs are a lot shorter on the leftside of its body than the rightside. This physical trait is an adaptation  to hillside grazing.

To catch a haggis some people chase it uphill: it runs counter-clockwise.

At the top of the hill people are there to scare it. The frightened haggis turns around to flee back downhill, loses its balance because of its shorter left legs, and rolls to the bottom of the hill where other people are waiting for it.

Myself and a friend were travelling in Scotland and met a young naive Australian guy who believed this story.

We emphatically told him the story was bullshit and that haggis was actually:

“sheep’s heart, liver and lungs, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spice, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for 3 hours”.

Between the “Truths” and “Fair Dinkums” we knew that he didn’t believe us.

I hope he figured it out eventually.

note: I’m still looking for skyhooks, striped paint, the elusive red herring, a snape, and the jackalope.


5 responses to “The Haggis

  1. I see it now. A new food chain:
    “Haggis Hut!”

  2. Don’t for get to send the new guy out for some Flight Line, and Headlight Fluid. Plus, did you remember to let the winter air out of your tires? You know you need to change it to summer, right?

    Turkish Prawn

  3. Hope he sorted it out before he ate the stuff! I liked your story though.

  4. Back in the early eighties when I was in my late teens, I had a girl at a party convinced that Naugahyde was made from the flesh of baby Naugahs. I a bit drunk at the time, but still managed to show her in great detail that the lines and wrinkles on the sofa were the outlines of baby Naugahs. Why babies? Because the adult Naugahs were too tough for furniture, they were used for ladies purses and belts. Back then I was a bad man….

  5. Those poor baby Naugahs 😦

    I don’t want to know what my “kid gloves” are made of 🙂

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