I have insurance: car health, home,… but I’ve never used them.

It’s nice to know I’m protected and I’m glad I’ve never had to make a claim, but I also feel like these insurance companies have screwed me somehow.

On flight insurance, I always make an ex-girlfriend the beneficiary. She always said she wished I were dead. The financial payout she’d receive if that happened, while I was flying, would just be an extra bonus for her.

I’m nice like that.

My 13 nieces and nephews are the beneficiaries in my Will.

They know this.

It’s a small insurance policy for me. I figure they’ll be nicer to me in my old age if they know there is money involved.

One nephew always asks me what his “share” is at the moment. He looks at me like I’m a “stock”: working hard – stock goes up ; travelling – stock goes down.

My nieces and nephews also know that if I die under mysterious circumstances, all my money goes to my ex-girlfriend.

That’s my true insurance policy.

I love my nieces and nephews, but I don’t trust them that much.


note: if my nieces and nephews make a deal with the ex-girlfriend, I’m in trouble.

2 responses to “Insurance

  1. Brilliance.
    Lettin them all know, that the nicer they are now, the more they get in the will.
    I will let all my family in on this and hopefully get some damn yardwork done!

  2. Now, this is simply hilarious. Your ex always wanted you dead so she’s in your will? This is the Tao of Planet Ross. (Did you ever see the movie, “The Tao of Steve”?)

    Thanks for visiting my site. I’m off to the grocery store (again)…another opportunity to be shamed and humiliated.

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