A Maladjusted Mannequin

 

 

note: I’m starting to like shopping!

double note: sorry, no bikini clad womannequins this time.

triple note: I didn’t have my digital camera with me … just the camera with the phone on it.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Trigger Words #3

 

Do you know any words that when you hear them, they cause you to roll your eyeballs?

One of mine is: real … as in “ real bread“.

It’s usually used when referring to a food product in the person’s home country:

real cheese, real pizza, real hamburgers, real BBQ sauce, real beer, real chocolate, …

Sure some people use it to emphasize how good something is in a complimentary way, “Now, those are real steaks on that BBQ!“

but …

A significant bunch of other people use it to subjectively compare what’s in front of them as inferior or crap, while at the same time informing people that something is only real if they can get it at home.
They may be stating an opinion, but they conveniently leave out the: “In my humble opinion“, “I think“, “I consider“, “For me” prefacing their remarks … and will actually argue the point if someone chimes in with a generic “there is/are a lot of good ’insert food item here’  in a lot of places.“  

What are these people saying:

everything else is fictional, pretend,  imaginary or fake? 

If a hamburger has a bun surrounding a hamburger pattie, can it be anything other than genuine, authentic, or real?

In the dictionary, there is one very small definition which says,

 ”‘real’ in a veritable sense should be used sparingly, applies to persons or things having all the qualities claimed for them.“ 

It should be used “sparingly” …  real “sparingly” in my humble opinion.

Some people should get real and really stop using real to describe something they like while intentionally dumping on something else they don’t like at the same time.

For real, it’s a real drag to listen to!

Start living in the “real world” …  not your “real” world … the “real world” where other people are living and were quite happy before you opened your mouth real wide!

 

note: Trigger Words  #1  and #2  and Trigger Phrase #1  are still bothering me.

double note: image from here. 
I wouldn’t have used the image, but the other 2 “Trigger Words” have images on a funky movie theme, so why break the cycle of abuse.

triple note: I get all worked up when I do these Trigger Word things!!!

quadruple note: wasn’t Delicatessan a surreal film … or movie … or picture show?

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Eclipses

 

I’ve never seen an eclipse!

I want to see one, but they are always somewhere else.

They might as well be happening in outerspace!

 

note: I thought I saw one once at a movie theatre, but it was just the guy in front of me’s head blocking the screen.

double note: is that “me’s” in the first note correct? … or do I really speak that poorly?

triple note: lunar eclipse, solar eclipse … I guess if you’re on the moon you could watch an earthar eclipse. I could be wrong; I usually am.

quadruple note: are ”eClipse” just excerpts from “eBooks” that you can read for free?

quintuple note: I bet on a horse called “Eclipse” at the horseraces … it wasn’t a favorite to win … it just got eclipsed by all the other horses. It was a longshot underdog dark horse … or a really shitty runner … or something like that.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Yogurt Vandalism

 

 

I thought a bird shit on my van, but after tasting it … I realized it was just bad yogurt.

 

note: there’s possibly someone out there flinging yogurt on people’s cars … and statues maybe.

double note: the misuse of dairy products is happening dairily … or daily … or something like that.

triple note: I have a milk bone to pick with these vandals … or possibly I just have a wish bone to pick with them.

quadruple note: this one is on time earlier than usual. It’s Mr. Badger’s Birthday tonight, so I think there may be a beer or two hoisted … because we don’t have any flags … and you can’t get a beer buzz off of a  flag. I’m sure we will be flagging later on though … and then we will go home.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

In My Dreams … #4

 

In my dreams  I walk around on a table with no legs.

  

note: photo taken in one of the DisneySea sections.

double note: #1  and #2  and #3  are still slumbering along.

triple note: I used this one in a comment a while ago if it looks vaguely familiar in an exactly the same thing sort of way … I’m also lazy and want to spend some time perusing everyone else’s blogs to get my self straight … like Cool Hand Luke.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Falling

 

If I have the misfortune of falling to my death, my last thoughts will probably be …  ”I’m plummeting … I never thought I’d be plummeting … who says plummeting? … oh no! when people talk about me they’re going to include ‘he plummeted to his death‘ after my name all the time!”

If it’s a long drop, I  might start thinking about those “lateral thinking riddles” too!

“a man approaches the middle of a field. When he gets there he knows he will die. How does the man know this?“

If it’s a really long drop, I’ll probably do some screaming as well.

 

note: I’m not afraid of heights … it’s just the ground down below that makes me a bit nervous sometimes.

double note: I hope I’m a Bumble … because Bumbles  bounce! … if you didn’t know.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

“R” Rated Months

 

“the world’s mine oyster“

… but I don’t think there’s been an “R” in a month for a while.

 

note: wearing a pearl necklace is basically the same as wearing a kidney stone necklace.

double note: pearls are irritating.

triple note: I’m still not sure if it’s the oysters that are an aphrodisiac … or the tequila shots that go with them.

quadruple note:  quote from “The Merry Wives of Windsor/Act II Scene 2 by someone called William Shakespeare.

quintuple note: the photo has nothing to do with anything … unless you’re a conspiracy theorist … then I’m sure you’ll find some connection.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Eyebrows

 

I wish my eyebrows were below my eyes so they would cover up the bags happening down there.

… and I would know when I had a rogue hair that needed clipping more often.

 

note: “eyebrows” below the eyes might possibly be called “lowbrows“.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Dates Give Me Diarrhea

 

Why is January 1st New Year’s Day?

It’s not the summer or winter solstice.

It’s not the vernal or autumnal equinox.

It’s not a big religiously important day … as far as I know.

It’s a regular day with no special significance.

Do you know why it was picked as the start of the New Year?

It’s because some Pope just decided it.

… I bet it was the bastard’s birthday!

Does New Year’s Day really have to start on the first of any month?

What’s the difference?

 

note: I’d pick the first day of spring like it was in the Middle Ages … or my birthday.

double note: The Chinese New Year makes a lot more sense to me now … except for that dragon stuff.

triple note: people could have 2 New Year’s Days: one for the Northern Hemisphere and one for the Southern Hemisphere. Who cares really? … extra days off of work too!

quadruple note: If you think I’m picking on the Catholic Church, I’ll pick on Science instead: one word  … “Pluto“.

quintuple note: It’s amazing what people accept as “the way it is” because that’s just “the way it has been” for a while.

sextuple note: People living way way up North would probably vote against the summer solstice as New Year’s Day because … they wouldn’t be able to see their fireworks.

septuple note: 

… and don’t get me started on what the first day of the week is!!!

 

octuple note: from ask jeeves or ask … as it likes to be known now.

Among the ancient peoples, New Year’s Day was traditionally celebrated in conjunction with the vernal or autumnal equinox or the summer or winter solstice. In the Middle Ages it was set at the vernal equinox in the northern hemisphere, usually on March 25.

The Gregorian calendar, which is widely in use throughout the western world today, was initially decreed by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. January 1 was declared as the first day of the new year on 1 January 1622.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Arms And Legs

 

People are very attached to arms and legs, but what if their names were switched.

Would there be …

Kids playing with Armo

Arm warmers and armings

Governments passing Armislation

Peg Arms

A movement to armalize marijuana

People in court alarming stuff

Alarmories in stories

Armhold traps

A French Foreign Armion

An “ABW” in cricket

Armolas in “The Lord of the Rings”

3 armed races

A ”Pledge of Alarmiance” in the U.S.

The term alarmro in music

A  ZZ Top song called “Arms”
“she’s got arms
and she knows how to use them“

… or a Rod Stewart one named ”Hot Arms”

“Open Legs” by Journey or “Brothers in Legs” from Dire Straits

A blegaid pouring my beer

Legged guards for legored vehicles

Legani suits

Legadillos

Neil Legstrong or Lance Legstrong

Fire Allegs

Flegers growing stuff

Legies and Legistices

Plegesan cheese or Plegigiano Reggiano for people who know more about cheese than me … or I … or myself

Legpits

One Legged Bandits

a Spanish Legada

Blegitzvahs

Swlegs of bees

or

A cult following for “Legy of Darkness”?

 

note: I guess arm and leg wrestling would still be similar … and possibly 4 arms on a legchair would be quite normal.

Leg bands and Arm bands would mess a lot of people and birds up though.

double note: if you don’t like this entry, you will definitely not like Salt And Pepper … and may be mildly antagonistic towards It’s Tuesday I’m In Love.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/