If You Were Me …

 

- you’d first try like hell to wake up from what you thought was a very bad nightmare.

- you’d know how clever all my computer passwords are, but maybe not so impressed with my PIN#s. (It’s hard to be clever with 4 numbers)

- you might think “volleyballbearings” is funny.

- I wouldn’t be expecting a lot of presents on birthdays or at Christmas.

- remember that the left hand performs all functions. The right hand just plays a supporting role with heavy stuff.

- you might find yourself halfway down a few slippery slopes.

- you’d quickly learn that you can’t do that here.

- you would soon find out that flattery works only so far here … and torture will take you the rest of the way quickly.

- you’d know what I thought about … whoever you were before me.

- you’d have to read the “owner’s manual” thoroughly.

- things might look shorter because you’d probably be taller than you are now … unless you were Prairie Flounder  … because he’s definitely taller than you if you were me.

- you’d probably be disappointed at how far things have deviated from factory specifications.

- I’m sure you’d be saying the same things as … whoever the hell I was before whoever I am now.

- you might crave Pop Tarts periodically.

-you really wouldn’t be me because I’d be someone else … hopefully.

 

note: – you’d know if I won this game of Solitaire.

double note: If I was you … well I wouldn’t know anything about that.

 

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Half a Name

 

Sting, Pink, Madonna, Cher, Meatloaf, and Bono wouldn’t be very anonymous at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

“My name is _________ and I’m an alcoholic.”

 

note: these people are on a first name basis with everyone.

double note: Brazilian soccer players do have 2 names … it’s just that the other one sounds funny.

triple note: if I changed my name to “Amen” it could get confusing at church.

quadruple note: maybe I’ll change my name to “Stupid” … and sue those t-shirt people.

quintuple note: Why didn’t William Shakespeare have a Pen Name? … did he write his stuff with a pencil or something!

sextuple note: The photo has nothing to do with anything: I just like this view.

 

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In Effluent Company

 

 

note: if you’ve never seen the back of a portable toilet, this is what it looks like. I know what it looks like because this is where I usually do my business if there is a line up.

double note: You can’t see them, but I think there are a few people waiting in line at the front of them!

triple note: I guess I’m like this truck when I drive too … full of crap. hee hee!

quadruple note: if you put Moai facades on them, they would be Moai “heads”.

quintuple note: sometimes crap follows me around … and sometimes I follow it.

 

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Back In Business!

 

HEY! HEY! THE GANG’S ALL HERE!!

All experiments are back up and running!
… as opposed to backed up and standing still.

Everything dead, done, or disintegrating has been replaced!

From left to right: Mr. Lower Back (still limping a long), new Egg Pod, Sabotanyoki/007/old Nyoki’s Brain, new Crystals, ?????!

So if you really care, check out their updated pages (up in the header or over on the side … I never know where people are looking).

I’ve changed the titles because … even I was getting confused. Now they are just …
X1. Mr. Lower Back
X2. Egg Pod
X3. Sabotanyoki/007
X4. Crystals
and …

The newest addition: “X5. Bulbs”!

 

This was the “Important Mission” … if you were wondering.

 

 

note: it appears I do have too much time on my hands S. Le !

double note: I think the woman at the shop where I buy these things likes me! … or just thinks I’m a weirdo … or something.

 

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Another Saturday At Stoplights

 

On an IMPORTANT MISSION to obtain important things at a shopping mall about an hour’s drive away, I armed myself with my camera and i-pod shuffle for the trip.
I guess I really “eyed” and “eared” myself with that equipment … and the shuffle was only half full … so it was really an i-pod “shuhalfull” … but I digress.

On the way I realized a few new things that I hadn’t realized before.
I’ve already prealized old things … so I can’t realize them anymore nowadays for some reason that I’m sure I will realize someday.

 

1. I don’t honk at bad or slow drivers: I just “boo” them a lot.

 

 

 2. My headphones slowly work themselves out of my ears when I eat food*, but not when I sing**.

*piggishly
**badly

 

3. I’d be a pretty good “disfigure skater” … if that was a real thing. I know I can do a “disfigure 8″ amazingly well!

 

 

4. If U2′s “Where the Streets Have No Names” started with “I want to hide, I want to seek“, it probably wouldn’t have been such a big hit.

 

 

5. It is impossible to sit completely still while listening to “Istanbul” by They Might Be Giants.

 

 

All important things were obtained and even one thing I didn’t know was important, until I obtained it, was obtained with money … which is very similar to purchasing or buying … but really quite different if there is an IMPORTANT MISSION involved.

 

 

The icecube tray was the  added bonus of the trip.

What was the IMPORTANT MISSION? you ask while eating fish products with baited breath.

I’ll put that entry on next. 
I was going to call it “The Next Entry”, but then what would I do after that? … so it will be called something else.

 

note: if you haven’t read the first “Saturday At Stoplights“, no one is stopping you … with lights … or anything.

double note: it’s difficult to get people with funny hats riding bicycles and the police into one photo … naturally.
The first “Visor Man” is here … or just ask Tony  …he probably knows.

 

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No Pain No Game

 

 

note: now what am I going to do with all this chalk? … mmmmm!

 

double note: please hopscotch responsibly.

 

 

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Sara n’ Mic (the chicken just shit on the book)

 

 

Sara: How are the Harry Potter books?

Mic: The main character doesn’t live up to his name, but the Potions teacher is awesome!

———————————————————————————————-

Mic: I think the chicken just shit on the book.

Sara: Don’t worry. There is a book cover on it.

 

The complete adventures of Sara n’ Mic: how did you get up there?,  why are the gnomes outside?, why are we here?, what time is it?, the phone’s ringing,  who’s winning?  ,  what a great cast! ,  what’s this game about? ,  what’s your friend’s name? and what are you doing down there?  are still collecting dust.

 

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Money Making Scheme #15

 

I’m going to sell “Shaving Cream Cheese”!

Usually too much shaving cream comes out. Now you don’t have to waste it: you can eat it!

possible advertising:

“It was a close shave for the Johnsons when they ran out of party appetizers.
Luckily they had Shaving Cream Cheese!“ 

“Shave and a Bagel?“

“It must be 5 o’clock shadow somewhere!“

 
“Shaving Cream Cheese will get you in a lather!“

 

If this works out maybe I could expand into:

-Shaving Cream of Mushroom Soup
- Shaving Cream of Wheat
-Shaving Cream Corn
-Noxzemarmalade
-Cold Creamy Peanut Butter
-Shaving Creamsicles (in icy mint flavour)

 

note: You can’t eat just one???

 

double note:  Money Making Scheme #1 and #2 and #3 and #4 and #5 and #6 and #7  and #8  and #9  and #10  and #11  and# 12  and# 13 and #14  are still scheming.

 

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Deception

 

 

note: the other 2 intrepid traveler cartoons are “Indecision” and “Confrontationalizing“.

double note: I sense a “Money Making Scheme“, “Sara n’ Mic“, and maybe a few other little series coming back for a visit!

triple note: I tell the truth normally, but I’ll make a deception in your case.

quadruple note: does anyone call it “Washington D. C.eive” … or did I just think of that?

quintuple note: I’m not picking on Washington D.C. … it was either that or DC Comics.

 

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Incidental Trances … Or Something Like That!

 

Transcendental Medication would be placebholistic … something.

 

note: my mantra record has a skip in it!

double note: you’ll just have to find what’s important in the Transcendental Meditation textbook; they don’t seem to stress anything.

triple note: You are Sanskritting me!!!

quadruple note:

Q.   How far can you look into yourself?

A.   Halfway … because then you’re looking out of yourself!  … just like that dog running into the forest crap.

quintuple note: I know how to reduce stress … “stres“

sextuple note: a potato guru is a meditator.

mental note:                                                               .

septuple note: cursor over the pictures time … everytime.

It’s the little details that count … in blogging … and murder scenes.

 

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