The Usual Suspect

 

 

note: my garden trowel gets washed daily.

 

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Reverse Psychology

 

I’ve started going to a Reverse Psychologist.

I’m doing exactly what he says.

… I haven’t noticed a difference yet.

 

note: If I take a reverse psychology course, do I start out normal and slowly become screwed up by the final exam? … or is that just a regular psychology course?

double note: a reverse psychiatrist doesn’t really care how you feel about anything.

 

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Unexpectantly

 

A pregnant woman is possibly a ”waiting womb attendant” … figuratively speaking literally.

 

note: if a mother isn’t pregnant, is she an unexpectant mother?

double note: if a woman doesn’t know she’s pregnant, is she an unexpectant mother too?
“oh! I wasn’t expecting that!“

triple note: if a woman isn’t pregnant, is she a non-unexpectant mother? … or is that just another term for an expectant mother once  you peel those double negatives off of it?

quadruple note: if you have two photo negatives, is that positive?

quintuple note: I may start taking infertility drugs to offset the effect of fertility drugs. Maybe I could do an “infermercial” … or something … and make a few bucks.

sextuple note: I think I’m using infertilizer in my garden.

septuple note: The photo has nothing to do with pregnant women: pregnant women might have made those sandals, but I don’t know for sure either way. I just don’t have good photos of pregnant women … or any photos for that matter.
Just thinking about the Tom Waits’ line “making feet for children’s shoes” or something like that.

 

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Non-Existentialisms

 

If I never existed …

- my childhood nextdoor neighbours would have enjoyed more carrots from their gardens.

- my friends might have had stupid nicknames instead of cool ones like: Papagouchie, Blockhead, and Unibrow.

- my mother might have had a  belly button  … and I never would have.

- everyone after 1980 in Canada would have had a different social insurance number. (I’m not sure how they number birth certificates and passports)

- a few plants might not be living, but … a few more than a few plants might be.

 

note: there would be no notes.
… you’d probably just be reading someone else’s thoughts … in a non psychic way hopefully.

double note: don’t worry, I haven’t been playing on those mood swings.

triple note: I hear pushing up daisies   isn’t much fun.

 

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Mood Swing Sets Are Unsettling

 

 

note: mood rings on telephones would be great!

 

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Waterworks! … Maybe

 

If I’m ever threatened with physical violence, I’m going to cry like a baby.

If my tears and snivelling make the other person refrain from beating the living crap out of me, then that’s fine with me.

… and then who really is the bigger softy baby then?

 

note: babies are cute when they are little.

double note: I’d rather see the tracks of my tears than my intestinal tracts.

 

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Experimenting On Dogs

After extensive experimental research … there is finally photographic evidence proving that …

 

dogs would rather be “in the sack” 

than “wearing clothes”.

 

note: blatant pandering to the “dog faction” in the blog pound.

double note:

     “How do you feel about your pretty clothes?”

     “Rough!“

triple note: does that “rough” joke ever get old?

 

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Last Call!

Last Call!!!! 
We can always go next door; … or next next door.

… or maybe go to another lounge!

The possibilities are endless with enough determination, ingenuity, and stupidity.

 

note: I haven’t walked home on a Sunday morning wearing my Saturday night best for years, … but I haven’t gotten dressed up on a Saturday night for a long time, so it’s no big deal.

 

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Most Things

 

I’m sorry.

I haven’t “deformed” an opinion on those things yet.

 

note: my van is in the “DeFormula One” series.

double note: arrow dynamic? I think I’m more stick dynamic at the moment.

triple note:

opinions = other people’s inions.  … or something like that.

quadruple note: an unwanted opinion is like audible junk mail … but without pizza coupons.

quintuple note: I think I’ve put on 3 entries tonight.
I’m not going on another long weekend or anything though. It’s just for no reason at all basically. I’m random like that.

 

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Detouring Around

 

When I tell a story, it’s like being in a maze:

… after a while you don’t really care if you get to the end; you just want to get out … and do something more productive.

 

note: It’s like every story rolled into one … because it is every story rolled into one.

double note: usually my stories are like airline cutlery: pointless.

triple note: the stories have more twists and turns than “a colony of terns in a tornado“!

quadruple note: I’m much better when I write things down … just ask Kelly Pettit or Willy Badger or nathaliewithanh.

(I’ve found a few ears behind the couch in the past)

 

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