Like Prometheus, But Different

 

He used to have a happy face before the people bought a dog.

 

note: this rock is pretty cool sitting on the end of someone’s driveway. I bet the body looks amazing! I’m grabbing a shovel!!

double note: if you haven’t checked out the comic ”Welcome to the miserable world of PROMETHEUS…” , you really should.
The link is also over in the blogroll on the right … near the bottom. It’s an alphabetical thing I guess.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

I Can’t Breathe!

 

I can’t breathe!

I can’t breathe!

Who turned on the hyperventilation system?

 

note: if oxygen was measured in a unit called a “lack“, that could be confusing.

“I’d like a lack of oxygen please.”

“One lack of oxygen coming right up.”

“Arrghhh!!!!”

 

double note: a hyperventilation system would probably work like crazy!

triple note: hyper-active children should be placed in hyperbolic chambers.

quadruple note: If I had a choice between being stuck in a sealed room with a limited air supply with 5 people or 5 zombies, I’d choose the zombies … because I don’t think zombies breathe.

quintuple note: a “hyperbole ventilation system” would run forever and a day.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Biology And Clocks And Other Logical Stuff

 

I think my biological clock is solar powered … and needs new batteries.

 

note: My biological watch is running a bit slow too!

double note: Do you know a good biological clock repair person you could recommend?

triple note: actually I don’t have a biological clock … or watch; I threw out all that Biology stuff after High School.

quadruple note: Hey! Supertramp misses number 4 in that song!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Bruises

 

When I get a bruise it eventually goes a way.

When fruit gets a bruise it never recovers.

I guess fruit isn’t as healthy as everyone says.

 

note: I could be wrong; I usually am.

double note: You know that really blackish banana in the bunch?
                           That one’s yours.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Dance Recital Madness: Day Two

After the big show on Saturday, I thought Sunday’s offering would prove anti-climactic.  I was wrong.

I collected my program at the entrance, bought a bottle of milk from a vendor, and entered the darkened auditorium.
The place was filled to the rafters with an expectant crowd: many of the women seemed to be expecting more kids soon too!

The hall was humming with excited chatter; while others in the audience just seemed to be humming for some reason.

I thought this must have been what it was like in The Cavern Club in Liverpool before The Beatles came on stage.

In this more intimate setting without seating, the  moshpit area was jammed with people full of excitement, anticipation, and extensive video equipment.

Whereas the Saturday show pandered to an older generation from a few generations ago, this one started with a …

David Bowie Medley/Montage/Re-envisionment …  retrospectively speaking.

 Space Oddity.      Ground Control to Major Tomohito.

I guess one of the dancers didn’t like floating in his tin can far above the Earth. He seemed blue like planet Earth and there was nothing anyone could do … until they closed the curtain.

There was a bit of The Jean Genie next.  Poor little greenie.

I must have missed this Bowie reincarnation, but it was pretty good anyway.

Let’s Dance was next.  It had everyone swaying under the serious moonlight.

It finished up with Blue Jeans.  
They didn’t do any of that Tin Machine crap thankfully.

I was a bit disappointed nothing from the Hunky Dory album was done though.

It seemed to seamlessly stream in to a Japanese Pop Music driven section for a while.

Girl band stuff.

 

 Boy band stuff.

The end of the program got really out of control with some sort of experimental, sci-fi, fantasy, conceptual, re-interpretationalistic routines.

 Boys in quasi- Power Ranger costumes doing what they usually do after a few chocolate bars: punch, kick, scream, and run around a lot.

 And the finale were some camera shy kimono clad groovers doing something traditional in an attempt to cool down the crowd so they could possibly drive home sensibly and not forget to leave their empty milk bottles with the vendor on the way out.

Overall the performances were very strong, like sniffing a bleach bottle; hard driving, like a tricycle on a muddy day; and edgy like 1,000 origami cranes.

The performers left it all on the stage … along with a few pompoms and assorted hats.
The 4 to 6 years old kids made their statement:

“This is me. This is real. This is what I am: love it or hate it … you can’t stop it.   Now I am spent and need help getting out of my costume … and I may need a nap too.“ 

 

Hey! I knew The Beatles would show up in some form or another.

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Dance Recital Madness

There are a lot of big festivals in the world: Carnival, Oktoberfest, Burning Man. The list goes on and on …

and somewhere in the middle of that list is the …

“Numata Kindergarten Dance Festival”.

This is the first of the BIG 3 Events on my calendar: the others being the Numata Matsuri  and Kinder-Olympics.    My calendar isn’t very big I guess.

I was lucky enough to get free tickets to not one, but two venues this year.

I hear all of you pulling your hair and screaming “No Way!” and “Some people have all the luck!” … and all I have to say is, “Yes Way!!!” and “Yes, I’m usually this lucky on a regular basis!!!” … and yes I usually reply to statements with more exclamation marks than the statement maker used.

It was a 2 day non-stop, full-on, dawn to dusk/dusk to dawn, spectacular, extravaganza that lasted for about 2 hours on Saturday afternoon and 1 hour and 45 minutes on Sunday morning.

The first venue was at the city’s Culture Center. I don’t know who figured out where the center of culture in this city is, but I think it should be a lot closer to my place.

 

I was a bit late, so the crazy crowds were already stacked and racked inside.

 If it was your first time at the big festival, you’d probably expect a lot of kimono wearing fan waving mumbo jumbo … and the dancers didn’t disappoint.

They rocked the house with all their amazing hand and foot work. It was like yoga, but with a pulse!

 Next came the parasol toting kimono wearing group. There was a lot of twirling and intricate walking around done.

“Who let the dogs out? … and the parasols?“

 

Then there were incredible vaudevillians to entertain the crowd. I think the one on the left tried to do a cartwheel!!!

 

The “Egg Cap Kids” came on to liven up an already ecstatically frenzied crowd.

 

Just when you thought things couldn’t get more out of hand, “The Rockettes” showed up to show off their fancy dipping and side-to-side moves … while wearing red shoes and everything.

 

All the dancers’ fluid movements were accompanied by music from the era before words were invented.
It was like poetry and music combined, but without any poetry stuff.
I guess the dancers were so great they made the songs speechless!

 

When everyone thought it was all over and were ready to take their video cameras and accost strangers on the street with video highlights, the “White Hair Shakers” came out.

And then it was all over and everyone left sweaty and in silence … probably because they’d been dancing in their seats and lost their voices from screaming so much … or were thinking about what to eat for dinner and why the heating in the hall was turned so high.

 

DAY 2 … tomorrow!

http://humor-blogs.com/

Midlife Crisis

 

I don’t think I’ve had a “midlife crisis” yet.

Does that mean I’m going to live a long time?

 

note: Do pregnant women have “midwife crisises“?

double note: Do prisoners have “midlife sentence crisises“?

triple note: The only midlife crisis I’ve had was when I had too many children to fit into the little plastic car while playing “Life“.

quadruple note:

“I must have made a wrong turn somewhere. I think we are in some kind of safari park. I knew we shouldn’t have bought this damn convertible!”

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Speed Traps

 

After I drive through a speed trap, I usually keep to the speed limit for about a minute and then speed up again.

If I were the police, I’d put up 2 speed traps about 10 minutes away from each other.

No one would suspect that!

People would probably really admire the police for being so clever too!

 

note: A double speed trap would be like one of those double dream sequences in “Aliens” or “American Werewolf in London“, except you’d get a ticket and have to pay a fine.

double note: I put a few new bumperstickers on the van to celebrate March 1st. The day has no special significance for me; I just thought I better do something other than flip the page on my calendar today.

 

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