How To Look Cool In Photos

People always ask me, “Planetross, how can I look cool in photos like you?”

First I have to explain that they can’t; it’s a photogenetic thing that you have in your kodachromes and monochromes or you don’t.  But …. here are a few pointers to improve your photo-coolness factor without having to buy special cameras with shutter speeds and apertures, or join groups like ISO. 

Tip #1:  Use bamboo

Bamboo is a universally accepted high quality multipurpose flexible usage item.

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You might not look any better, but most people will be distracted by how great bamboo is and just think you are too: Greatness by association has worked well for many things: peanut butter would be nothing with out jam, no Jerry Lewis-no Dean Martin, Paul McCartney would have been nothing with out those Wings, … I’m sure you can think of others.

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See how the magic of the bamboo distracts you from the bamboo holder! You are probably thinking, “I want to get my hands on some of that bamboo and be like that guy in the photo. Mmmm …. he must be cool too!

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Just in case you are a bit slow: bamboo my friends … bamboo!

 

Tip #2: Flags and Seagulls

Two common everyday items that most people have easy access to in their bathroom cabinets.

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Shake the dust off those flags and seagulls and use them to your advantage. (burning flags and seagulls usually won’t win you any cool points though)
How many times have you seen athletes, leaders of state, and large crowds of people waving flags, wrapping themselves in flags, or saluting flags and thought to yourself …. Mmmm …. that’s pretty cool, but it could be better with a few seagulls as well.

 

Tip #3: Ball Caps, Bridges, and Temples

Separately these things may make you look uncool; but together, very powerful.  

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Having your head only cover about 1% of the photo helps too!

 

Tip #4: Be in a photo with 2 women and a box of doughnuts

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Facing away from the camera, pretending to take a photo … but actually thinking about those lovely doughnuts and how wonderful it would be if those women forgot them on the bench when they left, or even just took their eyes off of them for a second, or didn’t threaten to report me to the police for stalking them with my creepy friend standing behind them chanting “eat the doughnuts bury the bodies“.

 

Tip #5: Be photographed in a cool vehicle

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I don’t have any photos of that, so here is one of me in my van.

 

Final Tip:

If everything else fails to make you look cool in photos, then stick your head in a garbage receptacle or anything else it will fit in to: box, lampshade, KFC chicken bucket, tuba, old cannon barrel, pet carrying cage, toilet, …

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If you think you look cool in photos already and are not following the above guidelines, you probably hang out with sycophantic people who tell you lies because you have pots of money, or have a very high opinion of yourself, or are one of the lucky people who were born with several focal points, or depth of field, or isotopes, or some other thing that camera sales people talk about while I feign interest and am really just thinking about what color the camera case will be.

 

note: all photos taken by Kelly Pettit, except for the Bamboo sign one which I urinated on once, but it’s rained since so that’s okay.

 

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9 responses to “How To Look Cool In Photos

  1. Does that mean that people who are unphotogenic have ecchtochromes?

    When you employ Tip #1, are you bamboozling the photographer and viewers?

    Also, I’m quite suspicious about Tip #4. Have you evaluated it scientifically? You know, testing to see if variants such as (three women) + (a sack of doughnuts) or (1 woman) + (a cruller on a plate) are more, or less, effective?

  2. I have photographed many bamboo users in my time. Planetross really has the ins and outs of bamboo down to an art. It’s never been easier photographing anyone with bamboo as it was with planetross. He makes bamboo look it’s best! I’d highly recommend him for your daily shots of bamboo, seagulls and flags, and temples and bridges. He’s the man!

  3. Uh.Oh. You’ve reached a certain, not specific, but an “age”.. when there are two women and a sack of donuts, and you scheme about those donuts. The donuts are lovely I believe you said. And, I totally agree, by the way, donuts are lovely. But, then, I’m 63. If George Clooney was sitting on that bench with a sack of donuts, I’d be scheming about those glazed cruellers, too. O, la la.

  4. So people really ask you that, eh? Hmmm…

    I thought the way to look really cool was to be photographed by Nathatlie and standing with Kelly. Reckon I was wrong then, huh?

  5. Ha! Ha! S. Le, good one! I have a special point-and-bamboo-shoot for when I photograph Ross and Kelly.

    planetross, really funny post and the conclusion was you in a nutshell. ;-) (the camera case bit… not the public urination part which by the way apparently becomes a special privilege in Japan once you’ve reached a certain age – according to Ross and Kelly… but they may have been bullpeeing me.)

  6. I do have to say you have a rockin’ van.

  7. I have to agree with S. Le. The van is awesome.
    But I’m noticing the “Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)” section…one of them actually says “What the heck is he doing?” Coincidence?

  8. Thanks for all the comments.

    Tammy: I have to agree with you agreeing with S. Le; the van is awesome. For something that I got for free, it’s been very reliable, versatile, and fun.
    hee hee about the “possibly related posts”.

    S. Le: nothing beats getting photographed by nathaliewithanh; but when she’s not around and I can’t stand by Kelly (because he’s taking the picture) I have to use tricks and deception to try and look as cool as possible.

    nathaliewithanh: public urination is just one of the benefits of getting more mature. I haven’t figured out what the other ones are though. “Let’s put the ‘P’ back in public” is a national campaign I contribute to regularly.

    w1kkp: It’s always been a dilemma for me: a lovely doughnut or a lovely woman. Choices, choices, …
    I guess there are a lot crueller fates though.

    Kelly Pettit: thanks for the kind words. Yes, it is true that I am a sought after seagull and bamboo model in the city where I live; but you are the top foreign photographer/musician in this city by far.

    pannonica: science? who needs science? Of course the more doughnuts and women in a photo the better. With a 1,000 doughnuts and a 1,000 women in the same photo as moi, I would have enough cool points to wear polka dot shirts with acid washed jeans!

  9. Pingback: cool pictures to look at

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