Does “Slim To None” Mean “Slim To All”?

 

I’ve never found a diamond in the rough,

… but I’ve found a few golf balls there!

 

note: actually, I don’t golf as much as I’d dislike to.

double note: I could find a needle in a haystack … with a match and a metal detector.

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Today #337

Today I slapped on my slippers. Why aren’t they called “slappers“?
They kind of slap on the floor and aren’t too slippery really.

Identequal

 

Equality means different things to different people.

That seems unfair

… but in a good way maybe.

 

note: is there a Geneva Convention Center?

double note: people are always complaining about fair increases. 

triple note: why is “fair is fair” a saying, but “unfair is unfair“, which basically means the same thing, not a saying? … that seems unfair.

quadruple note: free tickets are unfare.

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Today #336

Today was reported as the coldest day of the year so far.
It’s only January!
I’ll wait until July or August before I get excited about this news.

 

Margerine And Butter

 

I cannot tell the one from the udder,

when it comes to margerine and butter.

 

note: no one ever margerines up people.

double note: all the other snowman poetry is here.

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Today #335

Today I wondered if there was a Four Seasons Hotel on the Equator.

Rambo

 

“Rambo” in Japanese means “violence”.

“Rocky” in Japanese just means the boxer guy in all those movies. 

 

note: words are only meaningful if you know what they mean, otherwise they are just panhandlers holding out their hands to people with their eyes shut.

double note: I was going to say “blind person“, but thought that might not be political correct. I don’t even call that “can’t see spot” in a car while driving a “blindspot” anymore. I must be a political activist now!

triple note: why are Chinese characters cool tattoo material, but Hebrew characters, Russian character, Korean character, …  … not so popular?

quadruple note: I had to do a “… …” in that last note, sorry.

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Today #334

Today someone said “Cheese Hamburger“. I’m sure that was pretty common back in … before I was born!
(I’m glad I was born when I was, otherwise I’d probably sound weird.)

The Key To Ignitiative Is The Key

 

I’m not a go-getter

I’m a wait-seer.

 

note: if pizza is involved, I’m definitely not a go-getter … I like it delivered.

double note: sometimes I’m a fo-getter.

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Today #333

Today I almost went for fast-food, but decided on slow-food instead.

Badvertising

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“Do you know that poster … ?” Mr. Pettit  asked.

“Yes” I replied without hesitation, knowing what he was talking about without any more information required.

“Why don’t you … ?“

“I will.“

We are mind readers sometimes … or no-mind readers … or something like that.

 

note: if you hang out with someone long enough, there’s not too much noose you haven’t heard before.

double note: no noose is good noose.

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Today #332

Today while sitting in an outdoor hotspring bath, I was hoping the big pile of snow on the roof, that was hanging way over the edge, would slide off while I was there.
… and you know what? … it did!

Innards Are Innaresting

 

My inner voice has laryngitis

… or maybe it’s an inner ear infection.

 

note: becoming an inner voice actor is probably a subconscious choice.

double note: why is it called an inner tube? … I’ve never seen an outer tube.

triple note: my inner voice has Tourette’s Syndrome somedays.

quadruple note: my inner bellybutton just has lint in it … unless I’m at the beach, then it has sand in it.

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Today #331

Today at the ramen restaurant there was one guy sitting by himself at each table minding his own business. It was like walking into a porn video shop.

Dwelling On Cave Dwellers

 

If scientists ever develop a means of bringing cavemen to life using DNA taken from caveman blood, which has been preserved inside insects encased in amber,

… it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to take them to a zoo.

Better lock those pets in the backroom too!

 

note: if I start cave painting now, I might be famous in 40,000 years.

double note: I bet caveman school had a lot more P.E. and less of all those other subjects … that I can’t remember now.

triple note: someone in history didn’t have grandparents … they probably had awkward situations … and no money in birthday cards.

quadruple note: cavemen probably didn’t call themselves cavemen, I bet they called each other Grock or Rraap or whatever their vocal cords could come up with.

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Today #330

Today a 4 year old student recognized the “free gyoza” ticket from a local ramen restaurant, I was going to give him,  before I had pulled it all the way out of my wallet.
Everyone likes a freebie … age doesn’t matter.

Veganbonds

 

No one is born a vegan,

it’s a later in life choice.

… like being divorced or almost divorced.

 

note: breastfeeding off of a tomato is more difficult than breastfeeding off of a chicken probably.

double note:  cows aren’t born vegan … or any other animal that drinks milk. I guess exploitation doesn’t start at home.

triple note: what someone puts into their body is their own business, just don’t start pointing your chickenless fingers at me.

quadruple note: sorry, I had nothing to say tonight … so I dug really deep … and found nothing.

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Today #229

I could memorize today, but why bother … there will be another one tomorrow. I’m an optimistic pessimist today. I don’t know what I’ll be tomorrow … maybe something different … or the same … it’s a crap shoot.

Snowballistics

 

I remember one year, as a kid, when it snowed snowballs a lot!

That was the year I wasn’t very popular maybe.

 

note: if I had hindsight back then, I would have known who was throwing those snowballs and behindsighting me.

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Today #228

Today wasn’t payday. … bummer.